This is my way !

ImageIn my opinion, most of the time life is about choices and acceptance. These are two of the main factors which help anyone lead a balanced and sane life.

Of course, some choices were made for us, like out hair color, gender or sexual orientation, but for the most cases, we chose what we want to present the world with. Coming out is a personal choice as well and for a gay person it is usually one of the hardest decisions they have to make. Granted, it is a hard move, but what I never understood is why does it have to be black or white, why should I be out or closeted? Why can’t I just BE?

We can accept that our sexual orientation is an important part of who we are, but it is still just a part. Why do some people feel the need to shout it out? Why tell everyone? In the end, who you sleep with should only concern a small number of close persons.

I guess the choice of coming out has a lot to do with the idea of acceptance, but before others, you have to be the first to accept yourself. It takes guts, wisdom and maturity, but it’s one of the best lessons you’ll ever be able to offer yourself.

I’ve had these questions on my mind for a while and recently I was able to find my perfect man (for this post): a Romanian guy who is into guys, who is professionally successful but who is unknown to the local queer scene. I asked him some stuff and this is what came out:

 

I guess I always knew I like men, it wasn’t a dramatic coming-of-age moment for me. My first experience happened fairly early on, when I was in the 9th grade.

I was never into the gay scene. Ever since I started seeing guys, I got around to noticing what was happening, what kind of people were involved and the opinion I was left with wasn’t a good one. As the years passed, it didn’t get an better; if anything it made a turn for the worst.

Even though I never made any kind of coming-out event, I was always very ok with my sexual choices; I proved to myself and to the people close to me that I had a healthy, mature mindset, I know what I wanted and I was always able to stay focused. The best example is my love life: I’ve had my fair share of relationships, the shortest of which lasted three years.

Regarding my friends, I have to say that most of them are straight and the gay one, which are very few, were not chosen because of their sexual orientation. Sexuality is irrelevant when we’re talking about friendships.

I’m very happy with how my life is turning out and I think it’s very important to make plans, both on a short and long term. That’s one of the things which make me get up in the morning.

Anunțuri

Eu cu tine ce sunt?

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Facebook are aproximativ 845 de milioane de utilizatori lunari, este disponibil in 70 de tari si este cea mai mare baza de date de trasaturi biometrice din lume; tot Facebook mi-a dat o idee pentru o postare.

Am vazut zilele trecute o poza cu ceea ce propuneau baietii pentru rubruca de Relationship status; era o lista de n‘shpe variante dintre care sa alegi gen vaduv(a), amant(a), vorbim, e ceva dar nu e nimic etc pe langa cele clasice deja existente. Nu stiu daca e banc sau pe bune, nici nu ma intereseaza. Ceea ce mi-a atras atentia era altceva: dupa ce am ras un pic (mai mult), am stat sa ma gandesc…si pana la urma chiar asa e: statusul unui om nu poate fi limitat la cele cateva variante de acum. Tipurile de relatii pe care noi le ingrijim cu diversi oameni sunt atat de complexe (ca sa nu zic incurcate, problematice, dubioase, sucite). Si eu am prieteni cu care nu vorbesc dar la care tin sau cu care vorbesc pe fata si ii injur pe spate sau am oameni pe care nu ii apreciez pentru personalitatea lor dar cu care ma culc cu placere ori persoane cu care consider ca am terminat-o dar la care ma trezesc gandindu-ma surprinzator de des.

Noi, oamenii, suntem inclinati sa traim in haos; el e starea noastra naturala, iar ordinea e inventia omului civilizat, iluminat. Tendinta haotica se vede insa in unele din actiunile si deciziile noastre, trandandu-ne adevarata natura. Interactiunile noastre sunt un exemplu de tradare; faptul ca simtim niste lucruri si facem niste miscari complet deplasate ne complica viata dar ne dovedesc ca traim.

Pana la urma, nu e vorba ca ar fi bine sau rau sa ai 20 de feluri de relatii, ori deodata ori pe rand, cata vreme e ceea ce ti-ai dorit tu si nu a ranit pe nimeni din jurul tau.

Nu ne mai permitem sa traim bine sau rau. Putem doar sa incercam sa traim frumos cu sau fara vasta gama cromatica de interactiuni umane.

 

Si….inspiratia mea:

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Romanians in distress abroad

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Once, I wrote about Romanians and foreigners and I got some interesting feedback. One of the topics of the feedback was the same aspect, but seen from a different perspective:

the viewpoint isn’t Romanians taking advantage of foreigners but foreigners taking advantage of Romanians. I know this can be at least edgy, but let’s face it: a lot of us go abroad thinking we’re going to a better life and end up sucking c*ck for a few euros or donating a kidney without our permission.

What I want to talk about is all those guys who, because of a difficult situation at home, decide to leave and are not heard from again. This happens everywhere, I’m aware of that but when it starts happening in my back yard, I tend to worry, especially since only recently I heard about a real-life case (no queer drama or make-believe) where a (hot) Romanian was beaten and killed in a southern European country (which I will not name).

. Many young people from our country are promised jobs abroad by gay men who claim to have a company or something of the sort; instead when they get there they are treated no better than slaves in the past.

I’m by no means a hater of foreigners, I have a lot of foreign friends and they agree with me on this topic: there are many many people in western and southern Europe who take advantage of Romanians.

Many hypocritical common people but also officials blame Romania for overcrowding their land. Quite a few immigrants are young gay Romanians and they are almost constantly being picked on online on dating sites like Planetromeo. If you guys really hate them so much, then stop asking them to come live with you, work for you, fu*k you.

Westerners are in a hurry to judge the gays from here or their indecent behavior, their lack of morals or their thieving ways. Granted, that may be the case sometimes, but that is not the case of the majority. And regarding those few incidents, I can only say these kind of operations usually involve a two way street (in English: don’t call them, don’t look for them and then you won’t be at risk).

I encourage communication, friendship, even love (for those who believe I it). I encourage people to help each other if they can and I encourage the freedom of choice, but I will never be able to encourage prostitution, kidnapping and even killing the Romanian gay youth abroad.

This was just an outline of a bigger and more complex article I hope to write in the future.

Spring cleaning

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Uneori o luam pe cai gresite; uneori merge prea departe din simplul motiv ca putem; uneori uitam de toti din jurul nostru, dar mai important decat orice, uitam de noi.

Este evident ca toate experientele noastre din trecut ne formeaza dar nu toate ne definesc ca oameni.

Multa vreme am promovat ideea de libertate absoluta, dar mai nou trebuie sa incerc sa aplic si pricipiul echilibrului in toate.

La ce se refera curatenia de primavara?

Se refera la curatarea sistematica a tuturor rafturilor dulapului nostru existential, de la obiceiuri la planuri de viitor si oameni.

Oamenii sunt o parte importanta a vietii oricui, insa oamenii evolueaza si in timp pot sa nu se mai potrivesca. O prietenie poate fi ca o camasa: ori se adapteaza dupa tine pe masura ce cresti ori te cramponeaza. Materialul este esential dar si felul in care te porti cu ea conteaza.

Sfatul meu pentru toata lumea este ca primavara asta sa lase undeva toate lucrurile care   ii cramponeaza sau ii incomodeaza in vreun fel. Decat sa va chinuiti cu trecutul, faceti-va planuri cat mai marete pentru achizitiile de maine.

Badass Balance

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…it really is the only way to get through this fluffy rollercoaster we call life. However, balance is hard to find, especially if you’re a chaotic guy like me.

The state of balance is an end result, a destination which always seems to appear along the horizon but which u can never actually touch. The road can take you closer or further from it at any given moment.

There’s good news and bad news: you can’t avoid the curves life throws you on your way towards harmony; good news is that you can make your own little map with pit stops, milestones and so on to better chart your way through.

But I’m off track right now. So, how to lead a life in trapeze-artist style equilibrium?

  1. Know yourself; know who you are, where you come from, where you are going and what you are able to do. Note: you can do anything. Identify your weaknesses and eliminate or reduce them.
  2. Know the people around you; it’s a general rule of life that people will always disappoint you. Best would be to always keep that in mind and expect the unexpected. Whether sibling, relative, lover or friend, all people will disappoint and most will not be a significant part of your life. YOU are the only person who deserves full respect and full credit. Never share or forget yourself.
  3. Be honest; lies always come back to hit you in the face. Best would be to have a strong defense and a clean conscience. Always speak your truth, don’t let others speak their version of your truth. People will freak out and leave you; relevant people will appreciate you that much more. EVERYBODY hates a faker.
  4. Do sports or get a hobby. It helps fill the time and reduce the stress caused by work or personal problems. Always think of a way to relieve stress. I like going to the gym and having sex.

And…NEVER WASTE TIME with irrelevant tasks, projects, issues and people. Walk over the insignificant aspects.

Viagra naturala: fantezia ?

ImageO fantezie sexuala (cf. Wikipedia) este o fantezie sau o structura de imagini ce are drept scop crearea sau accentuarea emotiei sexuale; este o constructie de obicei complexa  ce poate fi de lunga sau scurta durata, poate avea un plan elaborat sau poate fi ceva spontan; scopul sau variaza de la cel de motivare sexuala, stimulare, atingerea stadiului de orgasm pana la cel de iluzie menita sa ajute un individ sa adoarma mai usor. Asa cum o fantezie da nastere senzatiei de excitare, asa si starea de excitare poate da nastere unei fantezii erotice.

Fanteziile erotice mi se par incredibile. Nu numai ca ele pot fi doar rodul unei persoane cu un anumit nivel intelectual, dar si contribuie la descarcares psihica a omului (ca sa nu mai zic ca e singura varianta 100% safe 😉 ).

Acum serios, eu personal am folosit fantezii si scenarii erotice cam in proportie de 70% din datile cand faceam sex.

Le-am folosit uneori cand partenerul avea o problema de stimulare, sau cand am ajuns intr-un punct in care doar sexul nu mai era suficient.

Suntem oameni si suntem cu totii, mai mult sau mai putin, ambitiosi; daca la inceput ne multumim cu partied simple de sex (aka futai in draci), in timp (si cu un partener potrivit) vrem sa exploram sexualitatea noastra, vrem sa vedem ce alte chestii ne excita in plan psihic, dincolo de supt o p*la (nu ca asta ar fi ceva nasol).

Astfel apar si scenariile erotice puternic sustinute de intreaga industrie porno. Un role play bun nu strica niciodata si cam toti am trecut prin asa o experienta la un moment dat. Eu recunosc ca am avut partide ok care au devenit mult mai calitative in momentul in care in locul partenerului vizualizam un alt om, respectiv persoana cu care am avut cel mai bun futai. Alteori vizualizez persoane din mediul in care ma invart, fie de la sala, fie de la universitate etc. Asta nu inseamna ca imi insel partenerul, dimpotriva, daca senzatia este sporita pentru mine prin fantezii atunci creste si calitatea prestarii mele si creste si satisfactia lui. Sexul nu poate fi mecanic, nici instinctual si in nici un caz rational; e o imbinare si aici intervine si fantezia. Pana la urma e vorba de atignerea unui nou grad de satisfactie, iar cand e vorba de sex, scopul scuza mereu mijloacele.

The Dawn of Gaydom in Romania?

ImageThe gay movement in Romania and gays always fascinated me (I wonder why). Many don’t bother to think about how easy we have it today (dating sites, for example, freedom of speech and so on) compared to how hard it used to be for others. I’d like to take a second (aka post) and think about that.

From the super mega ultra famous series of articles: The Beginning of Overt Homosexuality in Romania, I would like to write a few words about a person who agreed to talk to me and give me some info regarding the social life of a gay person in 1990’s Romania.

As expected, the confessions reveal the fact that finding someone after the fall of Communism was fairly hard, if not almost impossible. Therefore, you can paint a mental pic of how it was before.

Here’s one way of getting to know other gay people in the (not so) distant past (the story belongs to an actual person and was translated by me): a magazine had come out, a weekly paper called Rendez-vous, fairly vulgar, half in color and half black and white; people would post short adds here. You would rent a mailbox at the post office so as to have a receiver address as nobody would dare give their personal address or phone number. You used to place an add today, they would publish it in about 2-3 weeks and in about another 2 week maybe you would receive letters with pictures and so on. That’s how I met the first gay guy; that was in 1996.

Also, that’s how I met the first gay people in Iasi and not only. I used to be pen pals with guys from Bucharest or Timisoara. Afterwards, mirc came along and things became easier. I met people from Bucharest, Timisoara, Valcea, Brasov, Cluj, Sibiu. These were the cities with actual members on mirc, #gayromania. I would spend many night online on the computer I had at work. People didn’t have PC’s yet back then.

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